Lockdown Day 11
Today is day 11 in Quarantine for me. I’ve had a couple of blah
days and moments when I’ve felt like Carrie in SATC exasperatedly saying “I
need to feel the weight of a man on me”, but generally I’ve settled in quite
well.
I have to hold my hands up and admit that I’ve recently become
a workaholic and have let my self-care fall to the way side a bit, I have slept
very little, not eaten as well as I normally do, had a drink with dinner too
often, and have been powering myself mainly on adrenaline and caffeine. Suddenly
dropping from a 50 hour working week to nothing sent me into shock and I spent the
first couple of days just sleeping and crying as I tried to get my head around
it all.
My living situation is actually the best I could possibly
hope for at the moment. Although I am technically still living with my dad, I
do have my own self-contained space with a living area, bathroom and kitchen as
well as my bedroom, so I can choose if I want to interact with my mad family or
stay safe and cosy in my own little haven. I also don’t have the stress of what
if I can’t pay the rent? Yes, I want to contribute to the costs where I can
but if I need to reduce my rent for a while it’s not going to be anywhere near
as stressful as going to a landlord or agent would be.
Lockdown is giving me the time I need to do some proper
healing, the biggest wound being the one I have distracted myself from for 4
years, but that is not the only one. As amazing as this opportunity to work
through everything is, I am very conscious that over thinking is just as bad as
ignoring the issue so it’s important to balance the time in the past with
making sure I have things to look forward to such as The Running Awards and
London Marathon where I will get to see Eric for our annual meet up,
possibilities of taking commissions for paintings as I have already agreed to
do one for a friend as a way to break through the mental block of getting it
perfect, and spending a summer of hugs and long walks in nature with my friends.
This is also a great opportunity to learn where the best
places to focus my love and energy are. I have already, sadly, realised that
some of my friendships have not been healthy for me while others that have been
growing steadily for a while are exploding with the fun and laughter we all
need to help us through these unprecedented times. On the note of friendships,
I highly recommend getting a friend with the same name as you, it heightens the
quarantine craziness when you feel like you’re just thinking out loud and
someone replies. When things are normal I’m a hugger, I crave physical contact
and am very touchy feely with my friends, and I am finding the lack of physical
contact quite tough, so, dear friends, as soon as lockdown is over I will be
holding you all tighter and longer to make up for this time. While the majority
of the journey to learning about what I want and need is going to be emotional
and mental, a good chunk of it will be physical. There is no shame in exploring
your own body and getting comfortable in your skin, in fact, there is great
power in knowing what you enjoy and how to get it, whether that means just
hugging yourself, looking at your naked body in the mirror and being able to
appreciate it, or something more intimate.
While technology has become essential for helping stay
connected it is also important to carefully select the kind of influences you
are exposing yourself to. My social media is full of REAL people who are honest
about the challenges they face but don’t get bogged down by them. I’m very proud
and lucky that Grace is my friend in real life, she has a couple of invisible illnesses
and is properly isolated following NHS guidance due to being at higher risk,
she holds daily dance parties in her pants to give herself and all her followers
something fun to do every day. Laura and James are both running bloggers, Laura
is always a ray of sunshine, searching for the silver lining in every cloud, and
James has just sent the nation crazy with a virtual mountain climb from yourstairs. Both of them are great examples of how shifting your focus makes such a
difference in a crisis. If, like me, you get a bit overwhelmed by the news, following
a page like Simple Politics on Instagram gives you a breakdown of all the key
point in an easy to digest way. And, finally, if you work in Hospitality then
check out Key and Quill, Pilot Light and Healthy Hospo who are all valuable
resources for the industry at the best of times and their focus on supporting us all right now is incredibly comforting and helps us hang on to the tiny
shred of sanity we had (we chose this career in the first place, our “sanity”
is questionable).
Lockdown may feel tough at times but remember, it will not
last forever. Keep talking to each other, reach out to each other, make new
friends, make plans to meet those new friends in person when this is all over,
find something to be grateful for every day and if you need to have a duvet day,
that’s okay, but most importantly, support our key workers, stay home and stay safe.
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